My goal is to be honest. To be honest with myself, and to the ones I love.

I have been battling an Eating Disorder for almost three years now.

Many of us have to face this daily battle by ourselves. Too scared to get help. Talking about it shows more signs of weakness and insecurities that we don’t want people to see we have.

It’s an obsession, for the ‘pursuit of perfection’. 

So, in pursuit of my own recovery, I will post what I am learning and practicing to beat this disease.

Today, it begins with the main focus on control.

Common Thoughts and Feelings

CONTROL

---

 

People with eating disorders often feel a strong urge and need to control their weight and food intake.

In their minds, eating = failing

It’s a constant and voracious fight against Will-Power over appetite and looks.

The eating disorder usually has a manual book list of “Can and Absolutely Cannot Eat!”

 These elaborate rules (in their own heads) only turn into absolute chaos when they are broken. These ‘self-imposed rules’ take control of our entire life. Self-discipline and control ends up determining whether a person actually has a “good or bad day”. And because we have so many rules, they get broken, and often.

The person feels like they can’t stop binging, purging, starving or exercising because giving into their “hunger” ultimately means “losing” or “failing”.

Guilt and awful thoughts about oneself then follows like a never ending nightmare.

After “Losing control”.. more punishment is put on the body in one way or another, in order to repair the damage of eating and not following “the rules”. It’s a never ending cycle of destruction and self sabotage.
The information I am sharing is from recovery booklets from the Eating Disorders Treatment through the Health & Science Center of Winnipeg, Manitoba.