Balance After Bulimia

“Strength doesn’t come from the things you can do, it comes from overcoming the things you once thought you couldn’t.”- Rikki Rogers

       While I contemplate my life and all the roller-coaster experiences that have occurred in my short twenty three years, I sip on a cup of vanilla roobois tea as Eric Clapton serenades me, mouth watering like a pool in anticipation of a homemade sesame bun erupting with turkey, avacado and alfalfa sprouts squished between a handful of spinach and chipotle mayo, I couldn’t help but think.. ahh yes, I am blessed, and no matter how crazy life gets, it really is good!

As positive as I may have sounded or as hungry as I may have just made you feel, the funny thing is, it was only a year ago that I stared at that same nutritious sandwich from Common Sense restaurant and absolutely hated everything about myself for disturbingly enough considering to eat such a delicious meal.

As driven as I am, I was extreme with everything I did, including my eating habits, all the while extremely insufficient in confidence and competence. My mind body and spirit repelled any peace or healthy balance.

My life felt like a foggy bubble that was on the verge of exploding, essentially bursting with depressing thoughts from an eating disorder.

Forever I was exhausted, because the controlling voices ceased to sleep.

I tried to hide my disease from my family and friends which was only punishing myself more. I rigorously exercised and followed unhealthy diets while running off of little-to-no sleep, which only created more anxiety to crawl beneath my skin and stress perspire from my pores.

I was a mess, but I knew there had to be more to life than being completely and utterly consumed by an eating disorder.

I finally said enough is enough and called my doctor to schedule a referal for a therapist and started connecting with an NLP practitioner to grow mentally stronger as much as I could in the weak emotional condition that I was in. I also decided to take a few months off from fitness and ate ‘normally’ without judgment. Although my weakness outstretched my long term fitness goals when I was an extremist, with months of therapy and proper nutrition, I had regained my strength mentally and physically. I was able to hit the gym with actual realistic goals in mind. My female fitness inspirations were no longer women who obsessed over their hard fitness competition bodies but rather women who balanced mind body and spirit with healthy lifestyle choices.

Over all, most importantly was I started listening to what those five important human senses and my intuition were trying to whisper to me all along.

I am only human, I am aware that I have endless growth and experiences ahead of me, but just like Socrates has strongly stated, “the secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new.”

As tough as it may seem at times in the present moment on the roller-coaster ride called life, just remember it’s never too late to start taking care of your health no matter how far deep or weak you feel, it’s all part of your journey.

Below on the left is when I was at one of my most unhealthy times, smiling, but extremely fragile mentally and physically. To the right, I am now a much more positive, stronger, healthier and happier woman. Loving and becoming a better me every day.

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