MARCH 9-13th, 2015
'Exploring Mood and Eating Disorders'
International Women's Health Week
Faces I am firmiliar with and also others I have never seen before, all surrounded a room of massage chairs pushed diagonally against a Rehab Center’s cold blue painted walls.
All eighteen guests, brave with personalities ranging as wide as their ages. Some of their faces screamed nervous, some skeptical, and over-the-top joyful on others.
My grandmother, mother, and cousin sat in the front row, exhausted from their over-worked long-beating hours. My promising bestfriends nervously sat in the back; crossing their legs, twiddling their shellac thumbs, clicking their heels, and all patiently waiting to witness a testimony of why I became estranged and hid secrets from them the last few years.
And there I was standing as tall as I could, covered in black and grey head-to-toe Nike with sweat forming a pattern through the crease of my armspits.
I was the organizer and co-speaker of the Mood and Eating Disorder Event. I was and still am, a survivor of Bulimia, Anxiety, Depression, and a former label as ‘Borderline Personality Disorder’.
I was claustrophobic and stuck in a room of strangers. With packed chairs and faces of loved ones who all came to hear about the disorders. As I talked I tried not to stare into everyones’ eyes for too long, because it was a quick distraction from what I was really about to do. I was going to share my weaknesses, my battle, and the truth of my inconspicuous past.
I was vulnerable.
I was deep-down terrified.
As a few minutes struck the clock past seven, I realized I was not as alone as I have always felt. Regardless if anyone was judging or staring back at me with support, they were all there ready to listen.
But most importantly, I was finally ready to share.